I don’t even like typing the word. Jealousy. Have you noticed in includes the word lousy? And lousy it is, especially for women.

Jealousy causes resentment and separation, ruins what could be beautiful friendships, causes women to compete with each other, gossip about each other, undermine each other, and feels crappy whether you are the giver or the receiver. It can keep you from celebrating someone else’s success or even worse, helping them succeed.

I once asked one of my consciousness teachers what this jealousy thing was all about. After all, if we are willing to know and own our individual uniqueness and value — then what’s the problem? If we believe in abundance, that there’s more than enough for everyone, then what gives? And does competition outside of ourselves even exist? I believe it’s all an internal game.

She answered that people become jealous when they feel someone else has something they want and don’t have.

Well, here’s a secret. Even though our gifts are unique, we’re all made of the same stuff. No one has access to more or better gifts than you do. They may have worked their butt off to achieve something you would like, but getting jealous and pretending they had some secret advantage that you weren’t given is a lie. We all have gifts, we all have struggles, no one’s life is a piece of cake, and it’s time to clear our thinking around this issue.

The good news is that jealousy can actually be productive if you choose to make it so.

It’s a great indicator of your own desire. If you find jealousy rearing its ugly head, ask yourself what quality or achievement is it that you are envious of exactly? It can direct you to a secret desire or longing, or an unmet need. Use it to inform you. Remember, it’s not about the other person. And then get to work creating what you wish to have for yourself.

On top of that, take a look at your own self-awareness and self-worth. Do you know your inherent superstar qualities? If not, get to work discovering and claiming them.

If you have discovered your gifts, do you value them? Really value them? Because the truth is we’ve all been born with gold and it’s our job to mine and cultivate our own gifts and value. Get to work.

Finally, are you sharing and expressing your gifts in the world? Don’t sit quiet and wait for someone to discover and value you – find it, own it, develop it and share it – right now.

Jealousy exists. It’s a natural part of being human. But as conscious women we can choose to use it as a tool for self-awareness and personal motivation without expressing it in unhealthy, harmful and unproductive ways.

I encourage you to embrace this philosophy. We will all be better for it as we’re able to put jealousy in its place and work together for our mutual success.


Thoughts on harnessing jealousy? I’d love to hear from you in the comments.


  • Barbara Atkins Reply

    This is a wonderful article. People with issue should print and paste it on their forehead. GOD did not intend for us to be jealous. He promotes Love.

  • Katie Wheat Reply

    Kristi, your article is brilliant! Thank you so much for capturing this message and solutions in a succinct message. Please post on LinkedIn and any social media for others to see. So much of the world is caught in this web and fail to see the harm they cause as result.

  • Mayra Reply

    Great article! I always say that there is enough sunshine for everyone, especially in Arizona! In addition, the need to compete comes from lack mentality or limited thinking. People with a lack mentality often perceive that there is not enough to go around. As you know, the Universe is Infinite and filled with endless possibilities. When we are in the right vibration, everything that is meant for our highest good will come to us effortlessly without the need to compete.

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